Saturday, September 21, 2013

Got Them Feels

There's been many a feels lately. I blame it on this weird transitioning period that's taking place. Saying goodbye to some people and things, hello to new things, changing things up a bit--growing up in general. I've never felt so happy and so sad at the same time.

Isn't it so interesting how a situation can start so quickly, but then die so fast? It's like going 0-60 in 3 seconds and then SLAMMING on your breaks. It doesn't do much for your hope. It's a joy-killer, ya dig? This awful analogy has a purpose...I swear.

I've found myself going through a situation where it began great, I felt so hopeful, and then somewhere it's slowed itself to an awfully slow pace. It's gotten to the point where I believe what I want is not going to be what I get. Which sucks. It sucks so bad. So why when discussing my thoughts and opinions with the other party do I continue to say, "I understand...I'm fine...It's okay..." when it's the complete opposite?

Why am I letting myself get walked on? What power is that giving me? None. Why can't I say, "I'm sorry, I'm not okay with this, I don't understand where you're coming from?" How is that going to get me anywhere? It's not. 

I think it's absurd that I allow this to happen. I'm tired of being so afraid to let someone know how I feel. I hate the situation in my past that has created these walls and these barriers. I'm tired of being afraid what someone thinks about me. 

I'm tired of allowing myself to belittle my worth. I'm worthy of the love I want to receive--the love that I want to give. I'm just so tired of those two things never meeting.

But starting today I'm challenging myself to really say what's on my mind, how I feel, and to tell myself that everything is not my fault.

I want to reassure myself that I am good, I am worthy, I am loved.

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