Saturday, August 31, 2013

A picture Dump

Here's a picture dump to get over that word vomit I just posted.

All you need to know is that I have a cat now. So we have 2 girls and 2 cats in a 1000 square foot apartment. I also posted pictures of my roommate because:
1. I love her & she's one of my best friends.
2. I need people to know I have friends.
3. I'm not a crazy cat lady.


I blame it on my age and the fact that I was raised in a small town, but I can't stop thinking about my singleness. I've started to almost obsess about it and that frustrates me to no end. There are so many other things going on in my life that I could talk about, but yet here I am, sad that a boy/boys doesn't like me.

I recently read Captivating with a small group and there was a passage that stuck with me. I think it struck a cord more so now that I've been open to dating and seeing how hard it is to try and be open with someone while you're simultaneously trying to show them that "I'M SO COOL PLEASE LOVE ME I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE FOREVER I'M ALMOST 30"...or something. Anyways...I'm not crazy. The passage is found in a chapter about alluring men (which sounds so so so creepy):

"A woman can test and see if a man is willing to move in a good direction by offering a taste of what is available with her if he does. She does not give everything in a moment. As GOD does, she allures and waits to see what he will do." p-164

As a young single Christian female, I can read this and know that it's nice. GOD created me, He loves me, and I deserve to be pursued. But as a young single female who's struggled with letting the world tell her that she's not good enough, thin enough, funny enough, etc. it's hard to read. How can I know what a "taste" is. If there's a man that's trying to get to know me, I should be open & let him, right? That's how you date, right? This is also difficult because of past relationships and being used for someone else's benefit. I don't want to be used again and I fear that if I'm too open it will be easy to fall back into a "grey area relationship". No me gusta.

The struggle is real.
This song has kind of been an anthem for me while I've been thinking about this stuff. I think it's basically about how life is going to keep going no matter what, but we could rely on each other & it'll make it easier. Who knows? That's just what I think. Anyways, my favorite part:

"I’m trying not to confuse: being used, with giving all I am
by: being used, and giving everything I have, all I am"

It's pretty much how I feel, obviously. I just want to do everything right when it comes to dating/making new friends/entering into new relationships. I want to be a Godly woman, I really do. 

I firmly believe everything is fine. I know that I worry too much and I read way too much into things.