Monday, June 17, 2013

Coming Home

You know the story of the toddler who touches the stove top even though her mom told her not to numerous times? She touches it, finds it unpleasant, & then cries to her mom? I keep doing that only now I can't run to my mom to make it better.

I know the things I shouldn't do because I know how they hurt me. I can't look at people's Facebook's without seeing a comment that makes me sick. And I get lost looking through someone else's pictures that I don't even know, but so-and-so left a comment on a status of hers & now I'm having an "all I can think about it how he never did that with me so now I don't like her and she's skinnier than me" moment.

I know not to look at certain people's social media sites because it makes me sad, I know I shouldn't look through old text messages... But I do it any way, and I get sad. Then I get upset because I was doing so well. Once I'm done being upset I feel stupid because these moments are what got me into the current situation I'm in...because I doubted myself & spoke so lowly of myself that it drove my friend away.

So I keep looking at who posted on their wall, who's prettier than me, what I used to have and the whole time I know that I'm just hurting myself...I'm just reopening wounds that I've worked so hard to heal. Once I burn myself I look to find someone to run to, to fix me, to tell me that everything's going to be okay.

That's when I turn to Jesus (cheese ball alert? #sorrynotsorry).

I've been reading a devotional called "She Reads Truth: Prayer in the Bible" & today's devo kind of hit home. No pun intended, but it was about the prodigal son.

"Wherever you are, wherever you've been--He celebrates when you come home".

I've been in a lot of places...a lot of highs & a lot of lows. I've been hiding in a weak spiritual home, expecting everything to just work it out while personal storms were raging, tearing down my makeshift place wall by wall. I sat and did nothing to fix it, just egged it on and waited for someone to come and take care of me. I got tired of waiting, so I asked Jesus to build me a stronger foundation. He's shown me that He's been waiting to do just that, but I have to help Him. I have to mend relationships that I've let fall apart because I was so unfocused on everything...mostly my relationship with Him.

That's the biggest burn of them all...that I let the most important relationship I can have fall apart. How beautiful it is that that relationship can fix the burn and hurt!